7: Joni attermpts to relocate

During a conference with their attorneys to discuss the divorce stipulation, Joni informed Tom that she was moving to a different town a half hour away, requiring their daughter to attend a new school. Tom was shocked. He told Joni that he would get a new apartment so the daughter would not have to change schools. (Tom lived only minutes away from Joni, but out of the child's school district.) Joni made it clear that she intended for the child to go to a different school. Tom's girlfriend had children that went to the same current school as Tom and Joni's daughter. Joni warned the girlfriend that she would control Tom by relocating. At the time, Tom did not think it was a viable threat. But when Tom asked his attorney, the surprising answer was that Tom could not stop her. This is when Tom found out that he and Joni did not technically share joint custody, as he believed. Tom and Joni *did* have joint legal custody, and an arrangement where they shared equal time, in fact, the child had always spent the majority of time with Tom; however, this was agreed upon by the parties themselves, and was not written in Tom and Joni's divorce agreement. The agreement stated that Joni had "primary residence" of the child. Primary residence, which is the address of the child, goes to the custodian of the child, and can dictate who pays child support to whom. When Tom asked his attorney how this could happen, his attorney admitted that he never thought the language in the agreement was that essential, because Tom always had what he wanted...the time with his daughter. Noone ever expected Joni, who never had any interest in the child, to attempt to remove the child from an environment where she was so dependent on Tom. Now faced with the facts of the agreement, Tom asked Joni to do what was best for their daughter by remaining in the town where they all lived. Joni told Tom it would "take more money" for her to stay. In the end, Joni received a letter from Tom's attorneys stating that Tom would file for custody of the child if Joni attempted to remove her from the community. Joni, who had cause for concern, backed down and promised to stay. Tom knew that Joni was unstable, and worried that she would continue to abuse the agreement he so tragically misunderstood.

Understand the terms of your agreement. Legal custody and physical custody are not the same thing. Primary residence may seem like nothing more than an address, but you and your ex spouse can share joint legal and physical custody, and child support can swing to the person with primary residence. You and your ex spouse can decide anything you want together; but if you can't agree, you are controlled by the language in your agreement. My ex and I included language in our stipulation of divorce that neither of us can live more than thirty minutes away from our children's school without permission from the other, or permission from the court. Joni and Tom did not address this issue in their agreement, making it possible for Joni to uproot their child. In the end Joni felt compelled to stay; however, we can not predict what a judge would have ordered had the issue gone to court. This goes for anything you do not address in your stipulation. Anything you leave vulnerable is fair game, and to address it later is costly and involves petitioning the court.